The Morning of Eager Expectation

One year ago today, I awoke with eager expectation. It had been a week since my father had his heart attack and went into bypass surgery. When the doctors gave Dad the anesthesia, he had another heart attack and coded. They were able to save him and finish an emergency bypass. After the surgery, as he was waking up, his vital signs would drop leading to the doctors’ decision to keep him in a drug-induced coma to allow his heart a chance to get stronger. We stood vigil by his bedside for a week watching his vitals improve. By Thursday, Jan 12, the doctors began weaning him off the medications in preparation for Dad to wake up. And so Sat, Jan 14 arrived. Mom had gone home to freshen up while I stayed with Dad.

The nurses said everything looked good although Dad had a slight drop in blood pressure.

A precursor to Dad waking up was to put in a pic line which allows one line for any medication, drawing blood, etc. A 45-minute procedure, it required a sterile environment so I told Dad I loved him and headed to the waiting area. Forty-five minutes passed and no word. No worries because it seemed every procedure they had done went over the estimate. 45 minutes, became 60, became 90. Still no word. I ventured back to the ICU doors. The nurses’ station gave the unusual directive that I could not come in. Through the window, I could see people going in and out of Dad's room.

Then I noticed him, the nurse who was to put in Dad's pic line was instead standing in the hall. Something else was happening. My heart sank; my stomach tightened.

Twenty minutes later one of the doctors came out to tell me that Dad's blood pressure was continuing to drop, that his heart was not squeezing the blood through. They were trying everything they could but Dad's chances were slim. He recommended notifying family.

Dad passed away later that morning with his family by his side. The morning of eager, expectation had dissolved into pain and heartache. I don't know if the shock has abated. Certainly, the ache and longing for Dad has not.

But the eager expectation I had that morning still exists. It is not the expectation I anticipated in seeing Dad awake to continue our relationship through his recovery and for many more years. It is the eager expectation that I will one day see him again because we both trusted Jesus to pay the penalty for our rebellion against God.

One year ago the morning of eager, expectation dissolved into pain and heartache. In Jesus, the bright future morning of eager anticipation awaits where

Jesus "will wipe away every tear from their eyes. Death will exist no longer; grief, crying, and pain will exist no longer, because the previous things have passed away". (Rev 21:4)