45 Years of "For Better, For Worse; For Richer, For poorer; In Sickness and in Health"

My parents celebrate their 45th wedding anniversary today.

It has not always been easy for them. They married less than a year out of high-school and had three kids under the age of three years of age by the time they were 22. My father's parents were less than pleased with the marriage. And, as with many young, young adults there were growing pains within their love for each other.

And when my sister died in 1992 at the age of thirty, one wondered if the grief would end their relationship as it has many others who have suffered the loss of a child. Yet through all those struggles, one item always formed the foundation of their relationship: Perseverance.

They persisted in a culture that says when the marriage gets rough that it is okay to move on. After all, it is love that is important. But love in our day and age is defined as an emotional euphoria; giving one a "buzz", that cloud nine excited feeling of meeting that special someone.

The problem is that no relationship sustains those feelings. Feelings ebb and flow. Sometimes the ebb may last a long time. Then what?

That is what the marriage are for. You know the "for better, for worse; for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health". Those aren't just meaningless words of some silly, formal cultural ritual. The vow is supposed to mean something.

Of course, one doesn't really need a vow when things are "for better; for richer; and in health." That's not hard. The vow is for when the going becomes difficult, in the times "for worse; for poorer; and in sickness."

What my parents modeled was that love isn't just about emotions. It is about committing yourself to the other person and to the relationship even when it would be easier to move on. They modeled that promises are just to be kept when you feel like it but when you don't feel like it. Perserverance builds character.

It is an idea that many in their generation as well as mine have missed resulting in much hurt and despair. And therein lies the paradox. Letting their emotions guide them to happiness has actual resulted in much unhappiness. And in the scars of the failed relationships that litter their past.

Congratulations Mom and Dad on your 45th Wedding Anniversary.